Here I am. Lying in bed, in the dark…waiting. 5:45 a.m. The alarm set on low seems to blare in my ears.  One solitary tear begins to form.  As it slides down my face I encourage myself to “Just breathe”.  Telling myself, “It will be okay.  Think on the positive and not the negative.” Praying for God to change my perspective.  Easing out of bed, I slowly stand…defeated. The day has finally come. 

Oh how I’ve dreaded this moment.  During each passing day of vacation, my internal clock ticked away. At the days, the hours, and the remaining minutes of my freedom.  Standing and looking at my reflection in the mirror, I begin to imagine the arrival back.  People. Cars. People in cars driving up. Parking. Walking.  All walking towards the doors leading to hallways filled with chitter-chatter and the singy-songy “Hello! Welcome Back” of the Returned.  Snapping back I ask myself, “Who could possibly want to be back here”?

In the shower, the water streams over my face.  Surely these waters will refresh and energize me for what is to come.  No.  They wash but do nothing to rejuvenate.  I’m not made clean and renewed.  For old feelings are the same, and behold nothing has been made new.  

Finally ready for the day, I go out to my car. It starts to rain, and a chill wind begins to blow foreshadowing today and future days.  I sit in my car, and start the ignition. Once again praying and believing in the hope for positive things to come.  Traffic. Honking horns. Spilled coffee.  No time to return home to change.  Looking up I whisper,”Help me Lord”.

As I pull into the parking lot, I blow out hard, remembering what I’d imagined from earlier. Parking, I sit in the car and stare out.  The rain stops.  Breathe.  Inhale, Exhale. Unlock the car door.  Step out.  Look around the parking lot.  Take out my bags.  Close and lock the doors. Breathe. Inhale, Exhale.  First step, second step, “You can do it”.  Fifth step, Sixth Step.  “This is going to be a great day and a great year for you. Just change your mindset.” Tenth Step.  Open Doors, “Hello, Welcome Back!” Thunder and Lightning strike behind me.

And so it begins…